The definitive, fully interactive dossier on Ali Hassnain Jaffri. Polygraph included. Lawyers not.
Click below. The machine will generate a statement Ali has definitely said, then tell you — scientifically, unquestionably — whether it was a lie.
Ali has never once arrived before the event ended.
Ali reads every message, replies to none, somehow still the group's yapper support.
Ali appears within 4 minutes of any free food being mentioned, anywhere.
Ali is so scared of being late that he showed up before the invigilator did — the one and only time punctuality struck.
He said something so dumb the group chat couldn't stop taking screenshots.
He never pays back — just keeps saying "after this, after that," forever.
Still somehow obsessed with his garbage phone, the legendary Sego Node 71.
He's so dumb that he's just — dumb as hell.